The graceful way to connect with different personality types

Change Management is all about people, and connecting, engaging and getting people on board with the change is the aim of the game. But the hardest thing about any project or change is… THE PEOPLE!! Stakeholder identification, engagement, and management has long been a critical part of leading change. So why then do we still struggle to get people on side and on board, aligned and agreeing, collaborating and confident? 

One of the best things I ever learned was how to work with different personality types. In my Leading Successful Change program I go through a simple yet powerful personality type model. I explain the four main personality types, their traits and their tendencies, plus the kinds of roles and teams you are likely to find them in. 

But the personality type model is only half the picture, because personality types are only useful if you’re able to use the information in a practical, instant way to have influence and impact to reach your desired outcome. 

So how do you gracefully connect with different personality types?

The power of rapport

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, we talk about building rapport with someone by matching their behaviours and traits. While this is usually in the context of: 

• physiology (body language, breathing, eye contact, and gestures)
• tonality (how their voice sounds), and
• words (the kinds of words and language they use)

we can extend this same approach to their traits and behaviours as a particular personality. 

You simply adapt and adjust your own style to meet theirs, helping both them and yourself feel comfortable, create a connection, and better empathise with them and respect their point of view.

Set up for success

Often, personality types come in handy at the start of a project, when joining a team, or when meeting new stakeholders. You can think through all the different people in your team or all your stakeholders and take a guess at what personality type they might be. From there, you can go, “Great, how can I best work with them?” Because in Leading Successful Change I walk through their qualities and blindspots, their drivers and motivators, their communication preferences, and their decision-making processes, and how they best like to learn, doing this investigative and contemplative work upfront is so powerful. 

The cure to conflict

But another really great time to use the personality types is whenever you are experiencing conflict. It's a good trigger point because you won't always be thinking through the lens of personality types. I always encourage my LSC members that whenever they're experiencing conflict or resistance with a stakeholder, to go back over the lessons on personality types and take the time to think through: 

• What personality they could be
• What role they're in - particular personality types are often attracted to or are good at particular professions and positions.
• How long they’ve been at this organisation - because tenure can be a good marker of personality. Some personality types will often stay in roles. Others are more likely to move on from roles because they want that variety, growth or challenge.
• What level of the organisation are they at - so again, you'll probably find more junior levels of the organisation are more likely to probably be two particular personality types because they’re doing a lot of the doing, developing, data etc. Whereas, while any personality type can be a great leader, you’ll probably find the other personality types in leadership roles because of persistence, charm and confidence.

Once you think about the likely personalities in particular positions, you can use that to look at traits, behaviour, qualities, language and how they communicate with you, then start to adjust your approach. With one stakeholder I worked with, I noticed in every single meeting that we have that the table flips and it’s all about them. So I think, "Hmm, where's this coming from?" and identify their likely main personality type. Knowing that, it just takes away the pressure. It takes away the charge. Because then I think, "Okay, cool, I know that that's your personality. You're not doing it to be rude or you're not doing it because you don't care or anything, it's just your personality. I'll just adjust the way that I work with you to allow you the opportunity to have your needs met. And then when you are comfortable, when you are relaxed, when you've had your chance to be you, then I can influence you in other ways to work together to get the outcomes that we need for the project or the change.”

Check your ego at the door

The #1 thing you’ll have to watch out for is your own ego that your personality type (and your communication style, decision making process, and learning preferences) are the best or only way to achieve an outcome. Gracefully leaning into the other person’s personality type can take courage and control. But when the outcome you want is connecting, engaging and getting people on board - it’s worth it. 

Lata xx

P.S. We talk a lot about personality types in my Leading Successful Change program. Unfortunately, registrations are currently closed to kick off my March Group Cohort but I’ll let you know when LSC reopens for new students. In the meantime, here’s 5 ways I can help:

1. Grab my free Creative Launch Ideas Guide with 53 ways to bring your Transformation and Change to life: click here to download
2. Grab my brand-new Pioneer Your Career Change book (available in paperback, eBook or audiobook) filled with tips to unlock your passion and purpose in career and life): click here to get the book
3. Check out my free 6 Ways to Instantly Build Trust video to connect with stakeholders and build relationships rapidly: click here to watch
4. Download my free Underpaid and Overlooked Coaching Action Guide to change careers with confidence and earn your worth: click here to download
5. Get my Intro to Change Management webinar to start or step up in your Change career: click here for instant access